An Open Letter to Weird Al

Dear Mr. Al,

I’m you’re number one fan! The biggest fan in the history of fandom! I have seen and heard and read everything you have ever produced. I have been to all of your concerts, own all of your records, watched all of your videos and have a full line of concert costumes you wore plus an official, signed, numbered and dated Weird Al wig and moustache. I even have a tattoo of you in 3-D, from your 3-D album cover and named my twin children after you, Al and Aleena. My wife is a huge fan too! She wants to marry you but settled for me. Can you believe it! Me neither. I just made all that up but… I am still a big fan and wanted to write you an open letter since it’s unlikely that we’ll ever meet.

Seriously though, when I was a kid, I used to sneak listen to the radio every Sunday night between ten and midnight (way past my bedtime) to the Doctor Demento Show. I craved comedy. I was probably nine or ten years old when I started listening, with the radio turned down real low so I wouldn’t get busted. I waited patiently through all those horrible monotonous commercials for gum and whatever to hit the record button on my dual cassette boombox as soon as I heard a single note of music; particularly during the Funny Five. I made tapes that I would listen to over and over again, learning all the lyrics to the funniest songs in the known universe and you sir, were one of my favorites. You made being a geeky kid cool. I thought I was the coolest kid in school sometimes because I could recite the music that made my classmates laugh. It’s a gift I have cultivated and found a great tool for getting along in life. So thank you for the inspiration.

You have done a huge lot of amazing work of which I am thoroughly impressed. You are a musical genius all told and I’m glad to have had you in my life all this time. I’m glad you’re still kicking around and producing music. There have been a lot of novelty bands come and gone, but you have stood the test of time and I am forever proud to tell people I still listen to Weird Al Yankovic.

Sincerely,

Kurtiss Walters

P.S. I’m still waiting for Nature Trail To Hell, Part Two. I’m sure the twins will love it! I mean, what have we got to lose, they like the 24 hour news!

All Comments

  • “An open letter to the snotty barista at the Coffee Bean on San Vicente Boulevard.
    I know there were twenty people behind me in line
    but I was on a cell phone call with my mother.
    Didn’t you see me hold up my index finger?
    That means: I’ll order my soy decaf hazelnut latte in just a couple minutes.
    So what’s with the attitude, lady?
    No tip for you!”

    – Weird Al

    Kurtiss February 2, 2018 12:05 am